Invasion
by LockDown
Summary: The invasion always starts off small. So small you don't even notice it. By the time you realise what has happened to you its already too late. Come around gents, I have more wisdom to give out. Troublesome women, you already know what's up.


It starts small. So small and gradual that you, my fellow men, never see it until it's too late. By the time you do realize what's happened to you and what used to be your home, there really isn't much you can do. Well except one thing, but I'm going to save that for the end of my story otherwise you won't listen to me ramble on.

To set the scene it all started when I was a chuunin that had been made her _escort_ (I feel so dirty) for every time _she_ came to town. For the record she has her own place, a very nice consulate all her own that no one else occupied. Me, I had my nice little apartment. Single bed, full bath, small kitchen, moderate living room and dining room. There was a second bedroom but that I made into my game room/office/library. It was my small private world away from mother, the hokage, all the troublesome women of the world that cut into my gaming/napping time.

Like I said earlier it starts out small. For me it was a hand towel. A small tan colored towel. By the time I had noticed it she said it had been there two weeks already. I asked why it was there. She said to dry hands on after you washed them. I really didn't see the need for a separate towel since my towel rack was right next to the hand towel. Though it was a distance of 6 inches less that I had to reach so I let the hand towel stay.

Listen to me know. Don't let them get even the smallest portion of their foot in the door because that is all they need to justify their invasion. If only father had warned me (that whipped lazy miserable bum) then I could have been spared. But like I said we have one counterattack card.

The next few changes were slow things. First the hand towels in the bathroom. Then hand towels by the sink in the kitchen. Followed by some of her own books in my library. Okay I could deal with the towels, they were nice, useful and thoughtful. The books wouldn't have been so bad if she hadn't it upon herself to reorganize (organize) my entire collection. I had had those books just the way I liked them and now can't find half the books I want to read.

Okay I will admit I might have encouraged her a little. I may or may not have noticed that we were spending a lot of our free time at my place (playing games (board games!), get your heads out of the gutters) and I may or may not have bought her a few desert lilies that I put around the place.

Somehow that gave her the idea it was okay to have full size towels, which just happen to coincide to her annexing an entire drawer of my dresser when I was out on a day mission. This was rapidly followed up by what I understand now was just the beginning of her taking over the bathroom.

Okay, the towels I can understand. On rare occasion before hand, she may have taken a shower or two at my place (alone) if I was still teaching or out on mission when she was in town. And well her having a few changes of clothes at my place didn't seem like such a bad idea. I mean she did spend a lot of time at my place.

Now with the bathroom, that's like an invasion within the invasion, and you can really keep track of how the overall invasion is going by looking at the bathroom. Okay, I will admit I was totally oblivious to the bathroom invasion until I accidently picked up her razor by mistake. For the record men, you can get the bleeding to stop, if you have friends who are medic nin. I did insist that she not keep her razor next to mine, a very small victory in the much larger war I didn't even know I was fighting.

The bathroom in its entirety was completely annexed a few months after the drawer in my bedroom was no longer mine. I had been sent out on a month long mission and when I came home I had found that my bathroom was no longer mine. I had a small corner of it for my razor and tooth brush by the sink (she replaced the toothpaste…) and in the shower I had my soap and my shampoo. She had her soap (lavender) and her shampoo and conditioner, a bubble bath solution all on the side of the tub relegating my poor things into the corner.

By the sink were her razor (on the other side of the sink from mine) and her toothbrush, (next to mine but pink) and a multitude of lotions and perfumes and gods only knew what else. Point being that I had been taken over by complete and utter stealth.

I noticed a few other things around the apartment. More of her books, a few frames on the walls that contained pictures of us over the years, new dishes (what were wrong with my dishes?) though with the dishes had come better meals since she started to do the cooking around here.

Did I mention she also slept in my bed over at my place a lot? I said slept over at my place, not that we were sleeping together you pervs. I slept on the couch. Granted, most of the town thought we were humping like bunnies years before we actually got around to it. Why? Because we were actually capable of having a relationship without reducing to mindless sacks of flesh that let our teenaged hormones do all our thinking for us.

Now gents, this is where we can stage a preemptive strike. I will warn you, it's really only a temporary victory if she sees the logic of your argument and you have to get a bigger place or it could win you back your place.

I told her that she should make it official and marry me. The logic was simple. The consulate hadn't been used in months, she had started moving her things to my place over a 2 year span, and we were practically living together like a couple. Actually, we weren't like a live in couple because there was no sex, we were closer to a married couple. We lived under the same roof, argued all the time, she cooked and cleaned, nagged at me all the time, did I mention the no sex?

We're now looking for a bigger place to raise all the children she thinks we're going to have... How troublesome…

A/N: For the record I generally don't proof read even though I know it is a bad habit. Vague I know but the idea came to me the other night and so I wrote it down. There may or may not be a companion piece. I'll see if I can't flesh it out enough to warrant being posted.

For the record, in case people are wondering who the couple is, it's Shikamaru Nara and Temari. I know there are virtually no clues to who the talker is or who he is complaining about, or even the settings but it's that way on purpose. Read my other Shikatema things and you will see a pattern.

Well review my pretties. They make me happy just like I made you happy with new Shikatema fanfiction. Fair is fair.


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